MIssed Planes and Just Plain Misery

Sooo, I missed my flight back to Seattle on Sunday night. I was going from memory because Christie's printer didn't work, and I didn't have my itinerary with me. I had Laura drop me off at the terminal I thought I needed, which actually turned out to be the terminal farthest away from the one I needed. By the time I figured out my mistake (almost immediately after Laura drove off) and the shuttle got me to the correct terminal, it was too late to check my bag, so they scheduled me on the next flight to Seattle, which was 4 hours from then. Dumbass Extraordinaire, at your service!

It actually worked out pretty well for me. I managed to get a hold of Laura before she had driven too far away, and she swung around and picked me up again. We ended up at a sports bar, watching baseball, feasting on a variety of appetizers, and eating a few Vicodin from her stash as dessert. This, coupled with great conversation about boys, movies and traveling made for a very relaxing afternoon. It made me even sadder to say goodbye to my new friend the second time around, but I was very grateful for the extra time I was able to spend with her.

The first part of the flight, from Dallas to Las Vegas was heavenly. I had a window seat, the whole row to myself, and no one in front or behind me. I was delighted that I had missed my earlier flight, and settled in to enjoy this peaceful haven that is so rarely found on cross country flights. The segment from Las Vegas to Seattle was a completely different story... A special hell reserved for particularly bad sinners in need of horribly creative punishments. I'm still trying to figure out what I did to merit such a horrible experience. There was guy in front of me that kept bouncing in his chair and causing his seat to hit my knees, screaming baby next to him, and screaming baby's uncaring mom who would only try to quiet down screaming baby after he had made shrill, prolonged noises for more than a minute. To complement bouncing guy and screaming baby was kicking toddler behind me...Fantastic. The best though, was unable to stop coughing lady who sat right next to me, and couldn't figure out how to cough without making the whole row of seats shake. During the brief moments when she did manage to find a moment of peace from coughing, she shattered our respite by whining about how much she was coughing...Oh, and the window was placed juuuuuust so I couldn't lean my head up against the wall because it had that little ledge that dug into my face. To top it all off, the head flight attendant liked to hear himself talk, so he kept getting on the speaker and babbling on about NOTHING! So basically, any time I would start to drift off to sleep, any one of these lovely traveling companions, or a combination of any of them would launch into a torturous, cacophonous ballet of bouncing, screaming, coughing, kicking, whining, shaking, well, you get the picture.

This was all going on from midnight until 3 am. I had to be to class at 8 am the next morning. No problem! Seasoned travelers understand that these minor pitfalls come with the territory of vacationing, and only add to the wonderful stories you're able to tell upon your return. Ha.

Whirlwinds, hurricanes and a lot of bluster

Tuesday Night:

I was packed, had checked in online, and made my bed so I could slide into its familiar, comforting embrace upon my return, and now I was antsy. I didn't want to stay at home, counting away the minutes until my impending departure, but really had no where else to go. Fuck it, I'll start driving towards North Seattle, someone will have to call me back by the time I've braved I90 traffic and made it to I5... Wrong. After calling everyone who lives in north Seattle and the surrounding area multiple times, I was still left driving around with no place in particular to go. Dammit! Why didn't I take the wardrobe box out of the back of the car before I came up here, it completely blocks my rear view... Oh yeah, it's heavy and I'm weak and girlie. Fine, I'll take it back to , Issaquah to hell with gas prices.

Just as I turn onto I90 from I5, not 1 but 3 people call me. Welllll, too bad, too late now, but I'll see you in about an hour. Oh and Greg, I'm sleeping over at your place tonight, just so you know. Oh, by the way, Kris, we're hanging out tonight at Greg's, just so you know.

Issaquah: Alrighty, I've backed into the garage, so far so good. Popped the trunk... Check. Pull on the wardrobe box... Slide, thunk. Ouch! Damaged... Toe. Bruises. Crash. Yup, that went as planned. Awesome. Back in the car and back towards Seattle.

I was quiet, I wanted to cry. I was certainly not looking forward to the 7 hour plane ride to dreary Florida and having to deal with a hostile army of estranged family. Hurricane Ike was even afraid of the scene waiting for me there and had decided to bypass the state altogether and head for Texas instead. Lucky bastards. 3 tropical storms and/or hurricanes in the vicinity and I can't even get one to come visit me in Florida as a distraction. Really? Yes, really Jaime, no hurricanes for you.

After picking up Kris, we headed to Panera Bread for a late lunch. Mmmm, creamy tomato soup in a sourdough bread bowl. The day was looking up, tomato soup makes everything better, much like bacon or chai tea. Or monkeys, but they're not for eating. Still sad, but talk of books and movies and life in general was starting to make me feel better. After much dallying, we decided it was time to invade Greg's, so off we went.

Right, everything is unloaded and sitting nicely in Greg's apartment.

Is your printer hooked up? I need to print out my boarding pass...

Riiiighhhht... About that, it doesn't actually work any more, sorry.

I look at Kris. Forget it, he hasn't had a working printer... Well ever. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Ring... Ring...

This is Justin.

Do you have a printer that works? I need to print some stuff out before I leave.

Sure, put Greg on first, I want to bequeath some stuff to him.

Fine. Babble.

I'm heading over.

I get to the place that had been home but is no longer my safe haven. Goddammit! I hate guru gadget guys who have two monitors set up with one mouse that runs back and forth between them. Freaks me out every damn time. Print damn you print! Justin is rustling around, putting together some stuff for me to take back to Greg's.

Really? You're giving him the Venezuela picture from Myles?

Well, yeah.

But it was a gift to both of us!

Well, I think Myles will be hurt if I didn't keep it.

What!?! You're giving it to Greg!

Yeah, but, he's only holding it for me.

Whatever.

Oh, can you cancel the cable and internet while you're here? It's in your name.

Fine. But I need to do this quick, I want to get back.

Just my luck... My representative is named Charity, and she's a talker.

Blah blah blah cancel blah blah blah I'm not paying attention blah blah blah. She mentions baseball, which catches my attention. Somehow the Yankees are brought up and I find myself blurting out, "Fucking Yankees!" I can't help it, it's like a Pavlovian response.

"Well, the Yankees aren't that bad"

Wow, I didn't think you could plummet any further in my opinion at this stage, but you've just sunk to new and undiscovered depths. I disagree firmly yet politely.

"Well, what about the Stellers?" Wow. Really? Wrong sport.

"Ok, I'll give you that one" I grit through my teeth, anything to make this phone call end.

Fine, done, canceled. Have a good evening!

Now I'm in a mood, a don't look at me or I"ll rip your testicles out through your ear type of mood. Ok Justin, grab the stuff I'm taking over to Greg's, I want to go now.

Um, I'm still getting it together.

What the hell were you doing while I was listening to Charity yammer away about sweet fuck all?

Ummmm, I don't know
*&%$^#&* &^^%$)*%%$ $#!@@#$%

I'm going to go move the car around front, I'll meet you there.

5 minutes pass.

Ring... Ring... Are you going to be down anytime soon?

Well you took off before I was ready.

I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED ME TO MOVE THE CAR AROUND FRONT.

Well I have all this stuff.

Do you want me to come up and help you carry it down? This said in my, "I'm talking to a retarded 4 year old" voice.

That would be awesome.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT I screamed in my head.

Trip, crash, bruises, bang, OUCH. Fuck fuck fuck.

What's your problem?

All I wanted to do was come over and print out my fucking boarding pass and now I've been turned into cable canceling messenger girl. I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO GREG'S!!!

Thwap. He opens the hatchback and starts throwing stuff in.

Just don't talk he snaps.

I'll snap you I think.

Everything is loaded.

Bye.

Bye.

Angry music. Driving fast. Tears of absolute frustration and blind anger.

Pull into a spot outside of Greg's place.

Pull out my phone to call the boys to come help me haul in all this crap.

New Text Message Received From: Justin

Great, what now.

Thanks for canceling the cable and bringing all this stuff over to Greg's.

Sigh.

Sorry for terrorizing you. Xx

Greg and Kris come out and we bring everything inside. The plant I'm carrying bites me twice, drawing blood the second time. I try to set it on fire with my Eye Lasers of Doom. Hmm, haven't quite perfected that skill yet.

New Text Message Received from: Justin

Haha, ok.

I want to cry again, this time from a place deep in my soul that I'm still afraid to investigate.